have you ever had a romantic dream about someone you know and woken up with a huge temporary crush on them and you’re just like where diD THIS cOM E FROM
To think that it would happen this fast, I’d like to believe that this is a blessing.
I was reading a letter a friend gave me for my birthday. She was aware of the current situation with my old bestie, but I really didn’t expect her to say such a thing.
Last night, as I lay in bed, her words rang in my mind.
“Learn to let go of the past. Look ahead instead. If you decide to reconnect with your bestie, go for it! Don’t allow yourself to hurt/suffer inside. Let her know that you miss her friendship; you have nothing to lose”.
I thought of all the possible scenarios. So here’s how it’ll go. You’re too effing scared to start talking to her, so you wrote it in a post. Now go to Instagram and follow her and hopefully she’ll see that you followed her. When she opens your profile and scrolls down, pray that she finds and reads the post about her.
I thought, “What’s the worst that can happen?” Well, maybe she won’t realize that I followed her. And then?
I couldn’t think of anything bad that could happen. So with a newfound bravery, I went to sleep, determined that I would do it in the morning.
And so I did, after checking Seattle’s local time zone.
Later on that evening, I was walking with my friends when I took out my phone. Thump. Well, shit.
There it was: a bird and a mail on top of my notification board. I thought, “What gives?” So I slid down the lock screen and opened my notifications.
It was typed so neatly and the name had seemed so foreign. Thump. I ignored the email and went straight to Twitter.
What I felt at that moment, I cannot describe. No, my heart didn’t fall to a pit. Yes, I did start tearing up. Yes, I was dramatic (a little bit too much perhaps). No, I didn’t feel like the world was going to end.
It was so simple and clean but it left me speechless.
I couldn’t find the right words to say and I had to ransack my brain to write a proper response. I could feel my shoulders twitching. They were not shivers of delight nor were they tremors of fear. But they were rumbles, rumbles of the universe, as if telling me that something is changing.
Telling me, “You did good”, “It wasn’t so hard, was it?”
As my brain continued to undermine the rest of my body of its proper bodily functions, my fingers typed the only words I could think of. It was just that. I couldn’t think of anything else and my friend advised me to keep it simple and slow since I haven’t talked to her for so long.
If you’re still with me after such a long anecdote, thank you. So here’s what I learned.
There is nothing to lose by being brave. We humans, our limbic system tend to stray off path by imagining scenarios. These scenarios are created out of pure imagination or from previous experience. However, remember that these episodes are something that our minds created, not what reality really is.
As the limbic part of our brain goes astray, we let it affect our judgment. It makes us become more optimist or pessimistic. This is where we’re wrong.
If you’re an optimist, good for you. What comes out may or may not be to your liking, but still, congrats on the happy thoughts.
But for those pessimists like me, these thoughts affect our judgment so much that we tend to not do anything in the end. And this is the biggest mistake that can happen.
In psychology, I was taught that for every reaction, there is a cause.
We want change. We don’t want to suffer and live in fear every time. But as we try to escape from this vicious cycle of negligence, our fear takes the better of us and paralyzes us before we can do anything.
This is what needs to change.
It’s not easy to ignore the voices in your head that keeps on telling you that you’re going to fail. It’s not easy to ignore the voices that tell you you’re not good enough.
It takes time, effort, and a driving force. For me, it was my friend’s words.
Stop. Breathe. Think.
If you do something, what is the worst that can happen?
If you’re about to apply for a job and you’re scared about what’s going to happen next. What’s the worst that can happen? You get rejected. So?
Get back up and apply for another job at a different place.
If you’re about to assimilate with a new group of people your friends just introduced you to (believe me, I hate social gatherings but I’m learning), and you’re scared you’ll make a fool out of yourself.
How do you know you’re going to make a fool out of yourself? You don’t know what’s going to happen until you try.
You try and you see and you observe. You try what you’re capable of doing, your preexisting knowledge and instincts. You see what kind of environment you’re dealing with, what kind of people are they.
And then you observe. How do these more extroverted people act in these situations? Are these topics appropriate to bring up? How do you get them to understand your train of thoughts better?
This is what I’ve learnt so far. I had always hated social gatherings and I probably still do. I actually just went to one today and believe me, I was absolutely stunned by how well I did and how comfortable I felt.
Which is why I keep on telling myself, you’re never going to know until you try.
You will be surprised at how well you’re going to do. Our brain tends to think that we are less of what we really are. When you finally venture out, you’ll realize that all these negative thoughts had been hindering and hiding your potential all this time.
A little courage goes a long way.
It’s like a snowman effect. Even if your ball of courage is just as big as a fist, you keep on rolling it in snows of courage until it becomes dense and big. So big you can make your own snowman.
Always try. It’s never easy, but if you can do it now, you will be able to do it again in the future.
No door will upon unless you try knocking on it. And if it doesn’t open? Try another door.
But you have to try.
(13 April 2013)
P.S. Thank you for finding it.